Basically Blissful

As you know, as of Tuesday night things were going very well with Nathan. I saw him again last night at Blues and then we went to Sonic again for food/drinks, then went to his house, which I hadn't seen yet. I got to meet his brother and his other roommate which was nice because I felt like I was getting to know a little bit more of his world. We had a really good conversation about where we want our relationship to go, which at this point is just to a casual dating situation where we're seeing each other but also seeing other people which feels like a really good place to be. I love how willing he is to talk about his feelings and how conscious he is of mine; there are so many guys who would shy away from any kind of discussion about feelings, taking the easy way out of just letting the chips fall where they may without caring about the emotional consequences. Anyway, enough gush about Nathan. Suffice it to say, I'm still blissed out just having him in my life.

In other news, we had our family Christmas party last night with the whole extended family on my mom's side. I'm always shocked at how fast the little ones grow up, even in just 1 year. The Swensons are loud and slightly invasive but we all love each other more than anything in the world and our parties are nothing but good food and lots of lovin'! It's pretty fabulous.

Well, I'm off to enjoy the beautiful sunny morning! Merry almost Christmas!!!

Smashing Success

So last night I had my house warming party and I was so happy that people actually came! It was funny, I invited a bunch of people, including girls, but only 1 girl came (the beautiful Linsey) and all the rest were boys: my brother, my cousin and his roommate, Linsey's friend Greg, Blues Guy (ok, I might as well tell you his name. It's Nathan.) and my friend Kurt (who I went on a date with on Monday night--super fun.) I had scrubbed my whole kitchen and the bathroom, so I was feeling pretty good about having everyone in my new clean space, and I had cookies and hot chocolate spread out on the kitchen table. I felt like quite the little homemaker haha, especially because I've never thrown a party all by myself before!

Everyone loved the house and we just sat around laughing and talking for about 2 hours until Kurt had to leave, and then almost everyone else left too. Everyone... except Nathan. We ended up watching a movie, and we cuddled for maybe the last hour, which felt very comfortable and nice. As the credits were rolling, I could tell he wanted to kiss me but that he was having some kind of internal conflict about it. I got him to talk to me about it and we decided that nothing was official or serious, but that we definitely liked each other and were willing to see where things went. And then...he kissed me :) Can I just tell you, it was bliss. I realized that it's been over 2 years since I've kissed someone for the first time, and I was a little nervous because I'd gotten so used to the way I kissed people I'd known/been kissing for a long time, but he told me I was doing just fine :) He was the perfect mix between sweet/tender, passionate, yet respectful; he was such a gentleman. 

We just giggled and sighed our way through the next couple hours until it was way too late and I knew I'd be dead at work in the morning if I didn't go to bed right then. So we had a lovely long hug at the door and he kissed me very sweetly goodnight. I'm lucky I slept at all, I was so full of giddy butterflies, but I did manage to sleep and I have been on Cloud 9 all morning! It just felt so good to finally be close to someone. It has been such an unbelievably long time!

This song pretty much sums up my mood for today:

Brand Spankin' New!

So....guess what? I'm all moved into my new house!! I spent yesterday afternoon on my hands and knees scrubbing and getting to know my wood floor and doing a smidge of decorating. The day was sunny and my room has two big windows so I just soaked in the sunlight while I worked and listened to rockin' music. It was a pretty great afternoon. Then I went to the Nutcracker with my sister and her daughter who is 9, so for her it was just magical, which made it magical for us too.

I finished moving today with the help of Blues Guy (from last post) and let me tell you, he just gets better and better :) He was so nice to offer to help me finish moving and do all the big manly lifting for me. He came from church so he was wearing his nice clothes, which included a vest and some very well-cut pants--umm yes. So attractive. We got to sit on the couch and just talk for a good long while in the afternoon, and it was so nice to be still and just be together. In the spirit of keeping you posted, you should know that he has been officially invited to my house warming party on Tuesday, so if he actually comes then he'll meet most of my good friends here in Provo and they'll be able to give him the once-over. Obviously things are going well, and I sincerely hope they continue to do so.

You are joining me now with my first cup of strawberry/vanilla tea in my new room, which has been mostly unpacked, with Norah Jones playing softly and a very tired but contented Kimber. Welcome home :)

For the First Time in a Long Time

I'm a little bit twitterpated :) Last night, I met a guy at Blues. Said guy was very flirtatious and funny and wasn't afraid to break the touch barrier even when we weren't dancing. He stayed with me most of the time at Blues, just talking and laughing, then he offered me a ride home,which included a quick stop at Sonic for drinks since we had both danced pretty hard. The 'quick stop' turned into about at hour just sitting in the car laughing so hard we almost cried, talking about what causes brain freezes, our families, school, and other random things. One of the random things we talked at length about was the fact that he looks like this guy: 

For those of you who don't know, this is James Frain. You might know him from The Count of Monte Cristo or the TV show The Cape. Obviously, he is beautiful, in a kind of different way, which I really like. So yeah, Blues Guy is not a bad lookin' fellow. After the hour spent finding out we have a TON in common, we reluctantly took me home and had a very nice hug goodnight. He has my number, so we'll see what else happens :) 

I honestly can't remember the last time I met a guy and we just hit it off so well that on our first night together everything just clicked and felt so easy. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it's hard not to when I'm smiling so much! Needless to say, I'll keep you posted. 

P.S. I'm taking my last final in 3 hours. AHHHH!!

Job: Check

Remember when I said I was thinking about applying to be a model for the BYU art department? Well, I pursued the idea, had an interview this morning, and I got the job! The hours are kind of sporadic, but it's worth it to be doing something so cool. I've been giddy about it all day :)

Finals are upon me, but shouldn't be too terrible. I'm moving in 4 days and once I've sold my own contract, all my stress will be gone! The parents will be here next week, I'm going to the Nutcracker this Saturday with my sister and her daughter, and it feels like real snow is just around the corner. Oh Christmas time...

Life is just sunny and contented over here, glad you stopped in to check :)

An Observation

This is something else I wrote for my creative writing class. I was watching someone smoke a few weeks ago and lines of this kept coming into my head so when I got home I wrote it out. I hate smoking more than almost anything, but for some reason it is captivating to me. That being said, here you go, cool picture and all.

Your lips close, in an almost caress, around the cigarette. You look down as you inhale, the veins in your neck straining. Your hand drops. You are still, just for an instant, as you hold the poison in your mouth. Your eyes, already half closed, drift all the way shut, a smile of what seems like relief playing at the corners of your lips. Your head tips back, lolling, broken, and your mouth opens.

Thick, opaque smoke coils in the opening, then twists up into the frigid air. The designs it traces are seductive, soft, elusive. Your jaw hangs slack. You hardly seem to breathe. Then your mouth closes and the last trails of smoke steam out of your nose.

In this moment, with the white cloud of toxic mist swirling around your languid torso, you have never been more beautiful. 

A Poem

First Kiss

The hanging moment

Just before

Two worlds collide.

Where breath mingles,

Blood and milk

Swirling,

Melding

In the void between.

Foreheads whisper,

Fingertips trace,

Discover

The subtle contours

Not yet traversed.

One final

Inhale,

Close the distance.

Know.

Fact

This...

with this...

...might just be the best thing ever. 

Post-Thanksgiving Blues

Yup. It's the Monday after Thanksgiving and life is pretty bleak. I have piles and piles of homework staring me in the face, which is making me feel overwhelmed and afraid of even starting. Oh the sneaky spiral of procrastination :( Also, I really enjoyed spending days on end with my awesome family and I hated leaving them. My mom called me twice yesterday and my dad called me too. Missing me much? Yeah, it was sweet. On the bright side, I'll see them in just a couple weeks for Christmas! I'll be all moved into my new place and life will be blissful (I hope)!

I listened to The Beatles this morning on my way to work, which was a particularly nice start to my day, especially since I'm just wearing a hoodie and jeans and don't feel very cute. Speaking of music, I'm clocked out at work, just using my computer and I can hear my boss humming along to the Christmas music he's playing in his cubicle. He's so endearing when he's humming :) I started listening to Christmas music while I was home, and it's got me in the mood! Is it sad that Christmas is only really exciting to me because it means I won't be in school anymore? I feel like that's kind of pathetic, but when you don't get a fall break or a spring break and only 2 weeks off for Christmas, that's pretty much what it boils down to. Regardless, 'tis the season, and I'm pretty stoked.

Thankful

Today I am thankful to be alive. To be me. To have my family all around me. To have it be HOT outside! To be held in the warmth and love of my home. To have the time to see my best friends in all the world. To be so loved.

Today I am thankful for mailboxes and letters. For late night whispered conversations that are close and intimate and warm. For the soft place just under my mom's ear where I can plant a little kiss. For gentle morning light and the freedom to roll over and snuggle down into the blankets. For the abundance of good food and laughter we have this year. For inspiration. For good books to keep me company on lonely nights. For the winter stars. For the words 'I love you.'

To world enough and time....

20 Questions

About a week ago there was a "Win a Date" challenge on a blog I follow called the Anti-Austin, written by some clever Provo girls who chronicle their dating experiences here at BYU (it sounds super corny, but it's actually really well written and SO true! I love knowing I'm not the only one struggling with BYU boys.) So the challenge was to answer the following 20 questions then send them to the email of the guy, who then had to pick his date for the Murder Mystery Dinner the school was putting on. I was intrigued and really liked the questions so I filled them out as cleverly as I could then submitted them! Sadly, I did not win the date, but it was a fun exercise and I thought I'd share my answers with you!

Describe your perfect date in 15 words or less:

A night out with a real gentleman with something to say and ears to listen.

Cat person or dog person?

Neither.

Least favorite movie genre?

Horror.

Second favorite book?

Beauty by Robin McKinley

Dessert of choice?

Anything made with love J

Favorite season?

Fall.

Favorite activity to do in aforementioned season?

Either walk or ride my bike through old neighborhoods looking for cool houses.

What kind of music do you listen to?

Anything from Indi to Top 40, excluding Screamo, Techno, and vulgar rap.

Are you more of a city person or a country person?

I’m an odd mix of both. I feel really comfortable in the city, like I’m surrounded yet alone. But I love the country—I feel like my simplest self there.

If you could have lunch with any person from past or present, who would it be and what would you order?

I would have lunch with C.S. Lewis and I would order butternut squash soup.

What are three things that set you apart/make you different from the rest of the girls in Provo?

1)   I’m not blonde. 2) I don’t take myself too seriously. 
3) I’m a very good communicator.

Are you a clever person? i.e. if I take you to the murder mystery dinner, will you be a useful addition to my mystery-solving team?

Not to toot my own horn, but I’m actually quite good at solving mysteries J But I really enjoy being surprised by an ending or an unanticipated twist.

What are you most passionate about?

Dance.

What is your favorite scripture and why?

My favorite scripture is James 4:10, which reads: Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord and He shall lift you up. It’s my favorite because it’s short enough to easily remember and I associate it with that picture of Christ holding a little boy and reaching down into a rushing river to lift up a little girl. It was on a Mormon Ad once and it said “Reach up. Let him lift you.” That’s always stuck with me; that all I need to do is reach up, he’s right there waiting.

If you were granted three wishes what would they be?

1)   To have enough money to spend about 6 months Paris and 6 months in Rome, just eating, wandering, and generally languishing in pleasure.

2)   To cure the diseases that keep women from being able to have children—that is one of the saddest things in the whole world.

3)   That my parents would be able to retire and not worry about having to support any of their 7 children.

What is the most adventurous thing you've ever done?

I took a road trip to California this summer with 3 other people (2 of which I had never met before) without telling anyone I was going. It was the best decision I ever made.

What makes you laugh?

Babies. My best friends. Bad acting. The show Modern Family. Myself.

What is the silliest-sounding word you know?

Infandubulaform (it means funnel-shaped)

If a movie was made of your life, the soundtrack would consist mainly of songs by: The Beatles

Height?

5’8”

Blues Dancing Take 2

I've been going blues dancing every Thursday for about 2 months now and I can officially say, I'm addicted. It doesn't matter how tired I am, how early I have to get up the next morning, if I'm sick, or if I don't have anyone to go with; when 9:30 pm rolls around I'm there. Something in my body just won't let me say no! But hey, I'm not complaining, it's the best addiction I can think of. I learn something new every week even if I only dance with guys I know. Speaking of guys I know, it's so great to have guys starting to remember my name and asking me to dance because they know I'm good. I just love that feeling.

There was a new guy there last night who I thought was particularly attractive and who danced/talked with me for 4, yes 4, songs in a row. That was a first :)

Looking forward to the weekend: I get to go Latin dancing tonight, which I haven't done in forever since blues has taken over my Thursday nights, which used to be my time for Latin. I also get to go the BYU danceEnsemble show on Saturday night, which should be amazing. I'll maybe get some extra sleep somewhere in there and then I'll be a very happy camper :) Happy Friday and cheers to whatever adventures you're having this weekend!

Be a Model? Okay :)

Thanks to my busy schedule for next semester I have to quit my job with Student Alumni, which I am super sad about. I have loved that job and will have been there 12 months in December. It was my very first job ever so it's a little scary to move on to new things and put myself back out there. One idea I've had for a new job is to be a model for the art department here at BYU. I have a couple friends that do it and they love it, so why not? I get paid to sit in front of artists for 3 hours a day who will draw cool pictures of me, like this (except I'll have more feminine features. The hair's about right though haha) :

At BYU they don't let you pose nude, so from what I understand it's more of a bathing suit sort of deal, which is cool with me. So, I'm not sure if it's really gonna work out, but it's a percolating thought.  

Future Room

I know I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was thinking about moving, but it is now official! I'm moving to a cute little HOUSE just up the street from where I am now. I get my own room (something I haven't had at college yet) there's a washer and drier, a lovely backyard, and I'm even paying about $30 less for rent!! I've been thinking about doing something like this since I have my own room:

I love white lights and sheer fabrics as decorations, and I've always wanted to try it in my room, so now's my chance! I know I'm jumping the gun thinking about it now, but I'm just so excited, I can't help myself. 

In other news, I spent a really nice weekend with my sister and her daughter up in Salt Lake eating cheesy potatoes, chocolate, and other wonderful yummies. Also, I'm going home in a week!!! I'm so excited to see my parents and all my high school friends I haven't seen since the spring! I can't wait to see everyone's reaction to my short hair :) hehe

Wouldn't It Be Nice

Wouldn't it be handy to have this little sign to point you down the right path to be happy? Sometimes I feel like it's harder than it should be to be happy. I've noticed as the cold weather has set in that I've been inexplicably depressed, which is making it hard to focus and be on top of things. So I'm looking for my happy road, hoping to find it soon and get back on track. 

Late Night Best Friends

Remember my awesome friend Kalyn? If not, scroll down a little and you will see her featured in my Halloween photos. Kalyn just came over to save me from a lonely night, even though it was almost 11pm and we were both tired. I needed someone to snuggle with, and there was no one, so she sweetly volunteered! We made raspberry cheesecake hot chocolate, laughed a lot (which I needed more than I realized), and she took me to Smith's since my roommates didn't think to ask me if I needed to go when they went earlier tonight and it was already too dark/cold to ride my bike. Egg nog and chocolate oranges are now on sale, so we pampered ourselves by gleefully buying the latter and sharing it on the way home :)

Sometimes a girl just needs a best friend on a lonely Monday night. And sometimes that friend witnesses the purposeful thievery of a Smith's little black shopping basket ;) (said shopping basket will be returned asap, and was only stolen because there were no bags at the self check-out)

So tell your late night best girl friend you love her if you haven't in a while. You never know, you might just make her day!

First Frost

Walking to school this morning, I noticed the whole ground looks like this:

All the fallen leaves are dusted in a silver frost, gluing them to the grass around them, little silver needles. Yesterday was the coldest day yet (and yes, my roommates still have the AIR CONDITIONING on. Heaven help me) and today looks like it'll be another cold one. Thank goodness for my new robe and raspberry cheesecake hot chocolate to keep me warm in the mornings. 

A Little Halloween Frivolity

Last night I got all dressed up with my best friend Kalyn and her boyfriend Danny and the 3 of us went to Sammy's for milk shakes, just so we could say we dressed up and went somewhere on Halloween haha. I did Kalyn's makeup and my own :) I'm so cool! A few pics from the night:

(wow I have a dirty mirror, AH!)

Super fun Halloween even if it was quiet!

100th Post!

This weekend was perfect in all of its Fall celebration with my family. My mom was in town so I spent the whole weekend with her at my brother's house with his his wife and 2 adorable children :) I just love these little pumpkin munchkins:

Happy Halloween!! It was a perfect way to welcome the fall to be with my favorite people in the world. There's nothing quite like family. 

P.S. My audition was an awesome experience! I didn't get accepted to the program, but I know better how to be prepared for next time. Special thanks to those who sent good wishes and prayers and love my way!

P.P.S. My blog is officially a year old! Kind of cool and pathetic that my 100th post falls today (pathetic because I feel like I should have way more posts after a whole year, but oh well, nice to have a goal for the coming year!) Thanks for being my faithful readers and caring about my life enough to stop by once in a while!

Thursday Thoughts

Tomorrow is my audition for the Dance major here at BYU, and let me tell you, I'm nervous. Not only because I haven't really done ballet in about 6 months and that's most of the first part of the audition, but because if I make it through the first part, I have to perform a 1 minute solo. Ummmm yikes. I've never choreographed/performed a solo. Ever. So last night's choreography session was a big first. Special, enormous thanks to my awesome cousin Daniel, who is an incredible Modern dancer, for his help with figuring out where I wanted to go with my piece. I'm about 40 seconds in, so the last 20-30 will happen tonight on my own. Wish me luck!

P.S. My Mommy is coming into town tomorrow!!! I haven't seen her since July and I've been pining. I need to remember to not go this long without seeing her again.

In Wonderland

I just love October. I love that it's sunny yet cool, and I get to pull out all my beautiful sweaters and scarves. I have a habit of collecting scarves and sweaters throughout the year, and it makes me so happy when fall finally comes and I can wear them all :) I love the riot of color that erupts all over campus and across the mountains, it makes the whole place feel like the golden enchanted forest from The Twelve Dancing Princesses. I have had such a beautiful day wandering around campus between classes, breathing in the general splendor. 

Speaking of breathing, we had such a fun Contemporary class today! We started and ended the class with some quiet meditation, breathing, and solo exploration of movement, and for the majority of class we did group or partner improvisation, which was so cool! I worked with my friend Kate for the partnered segment, and boy did we create something beautiful. The first part of the exercise was to mirror each other, taking turns with who was leading. Then we got to touch, keeping contact as we moved around and with each other, experimenting with weight and shift and trust, exploring each other's bodies and how they moved together. It's been so long since I've done that exercise with someone, and it was so fun to do it with someone like Kate who is so beautiful and we were able to move so fluidly together. There were even moments when we breathed exactly together. It was so fun. 

When I found this picture, I saved it as Alice In Wonderland. I love the movement of her autumn hair and the fairy tale feel of the scene. It seemed like the perfect fall picture to capture the beauty of the day. 

Let's Just Say...

....not my best day ever. This week has been super stressful, and on top of work and school being crazy, my home life is getting a little crazy too. My roommates insist on keeping the AC on even though it's, hello, October and it's freezing outside, especially in the morning. They think I'm paying for that at the end of the month? Think again ladies, think again. Not just because of this week but just in general, I've been thinking about moving for the winter semester. My coworker Heather is selling her contract for a house just up the street, which would be perfect because I'd still be close to my brother and ward friends, and I've always wanted to live in a house here. So we'll see how that goes. 

I audition for my program next week, which is freaking me out more than a little, but I'm feeling surprisingly good about it--I think it will end up going well. I'm testing in my Contemporary class tomorrow, which includes a composition I did with my friend Tim, who is an adorable little Australian and he makes class so fun :) I'm going blues dancing tonight to hopefully ease some of the tension, then hopefully getting some sleep to get up in time to be at work at 7 (an hour before I'm used to. Yuck.) See you all Saturday afternoon if I'm still alive after working Parents Weekend. I'll be looking forward to a serious cup of hot chocolate, a hot bath, and my new stack of books that I got at the library today:

Bring it on. 

Trying New Things

Last Saturday I tried Bikram yoga for the first time. Remember the beautiful Linsey? She's been doing Bikram since April and has been telling me about it for months! She goes almost every day, and I told her I wanted to come sometime, so Saturday ended up being the day. Bikram yoga is different from regular yoga because you're in a room that's about 105 degrees, so you start sweating before you even move. The poses are slow and beautiful, and by the end you've been stretched and strengthened wonderfully. A lot of people with joint or muscle problems do this type of yoga because the heat helps your muscles loosen and over time it helps your flexibility and strength. This was one of my favorite poses:

You can kind of see here how the class is set up, though there weren't that many people the day I went. It was a really neat experience, and I'm excited to go again soon!

Paris

I'm doing Friday Feelings instead of Thursday Thoughts today, since yesterday turned into a super crazy day. I've been thinking a lot about Paris lately, being captured by these beautiful photographs I've been coming across. I've had this intense urge to run away to a big city like San Francisco or Paris, get a little apartment with huge windows and wood floors where I can wake up whenever I want, languish in the sunlight, paint, write, and generally revel in the art of my own soul. I want some time to take for myself, to not have to worry about living with anyone else or being responsible for anything or anyone but me. 

I know it's an unrealistic fantasy, but it's nice to dream. Work and school have been good, but it's been really overwhelming the last couple weeks, and next week's gonna be even worse. I would give anything to just get away for 6 months or so and embrace my inner artist. 

I've been really grateful this week for my girl friends. I had a lovely girl date with my coworker Heather tonight, and I get another one tomorrow with the beautiful Linsey. I got some slammin' earrings and a beautiful sweater that will keep me cozy as fall truly sets in. In the meantime I'll keep dreaming about Paris...

Special Birthday Dedication

I'd like to dedicate this post to my two best friends: Megan and Erin Dempsey. They're twins that I've known since I moved to Colorado when I was 9, and it's been the best 10 years imaginable because they've been a part of my life. Here's a little blurb about why I love each of them :)

My dearest Megan, you have always understood me in a way that no one else has. We think very much alike and therefore seem to approach things very similarly and can teach each other through our parallel experiences. You bring out my vivacious, outgoing side, the side that can laugh as loudly as I possibly can, even if it means I snort a little bit...but I know you'd never blackmail me with that ;) I've been jealous since we were 9 of your gorgeous long hair, your soulful writing, and your ability to attract every man in the vicinity to worship at your feet. And somehow you managed to single out the right man in your world to rock it and you tear it up together. Thank you for always showing me that I'm worth it and that nothing can stand in my way. Thank you for never giving up on our friendship, even in the years when we weren't as close. Mostly, thank you for being you.

Sweetest Erin, you have been my rock. You have inspired me to get outside my comfort zone, to cut off all my hair, to rock being single even when it seemed like I was the only one I knew who was. You have the most infectious laugh, (which usually instigates the aforementioned snorting) and the cutest quirky smile I've ever seen. You have so much spunk and pizzazz, and so much passion for life. You and John have the sweetest love I've ever witnessed. You appreciate each other so much and you both know how lucky you are to have the other. I admire that kind of trust and deep devotion, and I hope I can achieve that level of understanding and simple love with someone someday. Thank you for always being interested in my life and wanting me in yours. Thank you for appreciating my blog, I can't wait to start reading yours!!!

To both of you, it's been an incredible 10 years, and I can't wait for all that the next 10 will bring. I admire you both so much and am grateful every single day to have you in my life. Hope your birthday's been rockin'! Love to you always, sisters.

P.S. I realized we don't have any recent pictures of the 3 of us together. We need to fix this ASAP.

With the Rain Comes Fall

Well, it's a beautiful day in the BYU neighborhood :) Yesterday was very wet and gray, but I immensely enjoyed running around in the downpour. My day was insane, working from 8 to 2, studying for my Italian midterm for an hour, taking said Italian midterm, then studying Geology for half an hour, taking the Geology midterm in 35 minutes (I got a 90%!!! Not bad for my first test this semester) then running home to touch up my make up and to grab a nicer coat to run out the door for dinner at 6 with my date for the BYU Spectacular! He took me to Olive Garden, which was very nice, and it was great to just sit and chat, which we haven't had a chance to do since our first date because the subsequent dates have been mostly going dancing. Ergo, not much talking. Then we rushed from dinner to make it on time for the Spectacular, which was, in a word, spectacular! The music was flawless and the energy was exhilarating. Danny unfortunately had to study for a test before bed, so he left me with a hug at the Blue Tango where I danced the night away! It was actually a lot more fun to be there without a date this week; I got to dance with almost everyone and just flirt and laugh to my heart's content. I got home around midnight, talked to my sister for a while, then finally laid down and got to sleep. Talk about a crazy, non-stop day!!

Thankfully, I got to sleep in for a bit this morning, and tonight I get to go to the Spectacular again with my dad! I'm so stoked.

Hope you enjoyed my long story :) Happy Official Fall!

Craziness and Poetry

I've been meaning to post for several days now, but it seems like every time I sit down to do it, a million other things happen and suddenly it's midnight (like it is right now) and I have to go to bed. But I'm sucking it up right now because I'm sick of not posting.

For my creative writing class this week we had to write a sonnet, and let me tell you: hardest writing assignment I've had in quite a while. You'd think 14 lines of 10 syllables each wouldn't be that hard, but I spent a good 4 hours writing this little baby. I was inspired by this picture and had a very clear idea in my head of what I wanted my sonnet to feel like and the ideas I wanted to express, so it took that unbelievable amount of time to make it happen. Hope you enjoy.

Sun Streaks

I feel my body, my galaxy, shine.
My limbs thrown wide, my palms out, receiving.
Ecstasy fills me, my breath hardly mine.
Sun touches my skin: warm and relieving.
Breathing, expanding, eyes open, explode.
A roundness hovers, a dome overhead.
Fire licks, consumes this earthly abode.
Consumption breeds new birth, and a skin to be shed.

Now the fire is spent, just ashes remain.
Death of the star given way to dense cloud.
I shake off the mist, as if of light rain.
And lift up my voice, triumphant and proud.

I feel my body, my galaxy, new.
The imprint of sun streaks the Architect drew.

Morning Time

There are some mornings when I wake up and all I want to do is snuggle. Kinda like this:

Sometimes I just can't wait to be married to someone who loves books, and lazy mornings, and birds, and messy hair, and me :)

Thursday Thoughts (Blues Dancing)

I went blues dancing for the first time tonight, and can I just say...best dance I've ever tried. It's got all the sensuality of Latin dancing and all the style and freedom of swing, which basically makes it the best mix ever! I went with 3 of my really good friends and we pretty much tore it up. Highlight of my night: there was a kind of bigger guy dressed in a three piece suit, pocket square and everything, who was THE best dancer I have EVER danced with. He was an incredible lead and could dip like nobody's business. I'm kind of in love with that suit guy :) 

I'm sort of having a crisis about what other people think of me today, and I'm not really sure what it's about, but I'm hoping it goes away soon. I don't remember if I blogged about this before, but I have this problem where if I get ahold of something good, I can never manage to hold onto it. I'll feel like things are going really well and it's all good, then suddenly I'm blindsided when I find out I'm not the right one or it's not the right time. I don't know if there's anything different I should do/should have done, but so far nothing sticks. It's incredibly disheartening, but I'm hoping 100th time's the charm...

Feels Like Home

I was reminded today how much I love this song. It never fails to make me cry, no matter how many times I listen to it--it strikes a chord somewhere deep inside me that I rarely get to access, and it is beautiful and changes me. My goal is to learn to play it on my G-fiddle :) Enjoy.

Birds...and Longing...

I've kind of always associated birds with longing. A longing for things that are far away, places I may soon migrate to. A longing for solidarity, loyalty, freedom. A longing for the ability to fly away from my life when it's a mess, to see things from a broader perspective. 

I've been single for two years now, and I've been longing for quite some time to find some kind of relationship. But I realized today that my life is full of so many rich relationships, with boys and girls alike. I have been so blessed to have friends (particularly guy friends) who see me for who I really am, accept and love me deeply and sincerely. There is one boy in particular that I'm hoping to see things develop with, but even if nothing happens, I'm so thankful to have learned to see all the different ways I am filled with support and love. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the "something happening" scenario :)

A Little Audrey Wisdom

‎"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."
-Audrey Hepburn

(Since I cut my hair, I've been told I look a little bit like her. Quite a lovely compliment! )

The Age of Silence

There's this book called The History of Love.  I read it for the first time last fall and it changed my life. I'm now reading it for the second time, and when I got to my favorite part I had to share it here. The original passage is much longer, but you should still get the gist of why I am always moved when I read this:


"The first language humans had was gestures. There was nothing primitive about this language that flowed from people's hands, nothing we say now that could not be said in the endless array of movements possible with the fine bones of the fingers and wrists. The gestures were complex and subtle, involving a delicacy of motion that has since been lost completely....Just to open your palm was to say: Forgive me....

"If at large gatherings or parties, or around people with whom you feel distant, your hands sometimes hang awkwardly at the ends of your arms--if you find yourself at a loss for what to do with them, overcome with sadness that comes when you recognize the foreignness of your own body--it's because your hands remember a time when the division between mind and body, brain and heart, what's inside and what's outside, was so much less. It's not that we've forgotten the language of gestures entirely. The habit of moving our hands while we speak is left over from it. Clapping, pointing, giving the thumbs-up: all artifacts of ancient gestures. Holding hands, for example, is a way to remember how it feels to say nothing together. And at night, when it's too dark to see, we find it necessary to gesture on each other's bodies to make ourselves understood."

Let Me Introduce....

...the new me!!

It's Official

Fall is here! I had my first cup of peppermint hot chocolate this morning and am feeling pretty good about it.

I have to run do a geology project before school, but I'll be back later :) I've got some exciting beauty to share!

Sometimes

Sometimes I miss my long hair.

I miss the way it felt blowing around me as I walked around campus in the wind. I miss being able to pull it into a ponytail on the days I don't have time shower (like today). I miss all the pretty braids and twists I could do with it. I miss being able to splay it all across my pillow and pretend someone was taking a glamorous picture of me. Now. All that being said, I can't wait to cut my hair again!! haha I'm kind of a spaz.

Sometimes I miss Taylor.

I miss watching his hands caress the keys of his slightly-out-of-tune piano while sunlight filtered through the big windows of his music room. I miss the way he told me I was beautiful. No one could say it like him. I miss his calls at 2 in the morning that would last so long we could watch the sun come up together. I miss being able to talk to someone so easily. Now. All that being said, it's nice to still be friends, even after all this time and distance and struggle. 

Sometimes I miss Matt. 

I miss being held so tightly I thought all the life was going to be squeezed out of me. I miss his strong hands; how they felt in mine, how they led me so easily across the dance floor, how he was constantly using them to serve other people. I miss having a best friend who didn't expect me to be anything I wasn't. Now. All that being said, I couldn't be happier for him that he is in college in Wyoming and discovering this new phase of his life. But I wish more than anything that he were right here with me.