Back From the Dead

Not that I really expect anyone to still be checking to see if I'm still blogging, but for the sake of posterity and anyone who happens to read this, let me give a short recap of the last few months. I haven't posted since June, so I'll give the highlights of each month up to the present. A lot of it has to do with relationships, but let's be real, what else is life really about?

July: I went back to Colorado to welcome home one of my oldest and dearest friends, Robert, from his mission to Arizona. He gave 2 years of his life to the Lord and touched many people's lives. He came home different than he left, but changed for the better, and still my bosom friend.

August: I fell in love. It's as simple as that. I've only been in love one other time, but this time it was different. It happened when I was least expecting it, with someone I had barely given a second thought before, and it was perfect. He is everything I have ever wanted in all the ways I didn't expect.

September: I learned to trust God's plan. The guy I loved had just moved 800 miles away to California and I didn't know what would happen to our relationship. He asked me to date other people, which I didn't want to do, but tried because I cared about him enough to support what he needed. And right then, a relationship fell into my lap. He was perfect for that exact time, and once I surrendered the control, God showed me how to be in two places at once, fully present and honest...and it worked.

October: I found out what it meant to miss someone so badly it physically hurt. I broke down in public for the first time ever, but the embarrassment was countered with unconditional love and friendship from one of my best friends here. On the upside, I got a ticket to go to California over Christmas break to see HIM!! Then it was just a matter of getting through the next couple months.

November: That month went by so fast I barely had time to think. I got to go home for Thanksgiving with a few of my siblings and was simply engulfed in gratitude for everything beautiful in my life. I had some really great conversations with my parents and some close friends that gave me such a deep peace. It was wonderful.

December: Well, that brings us to the present. In 10 short days I'll be one plane ride away from the beginning of 11 very happy days in California, during which many adventures will be had. I can't wait to tell you all about them in the new year!

Thank you for being here and catching up with me; even though it was only a fraction of everything that's happened in the last few months, it covered the most important things. I really do want to blog more, so I give my solemn vow that my New Year's resolution will be to pop in here a lot more often :) Cheers!

Best Friends Are...The Best :)

This is me and Megan, one of my very oldest friends. She and I met when we were 12, knew each other for about a year, then she moved to Utah and we were long-distance friends for about 6 years, then I came to Utah for school so we've seen each other a little more in the last couple years. But it's always amazed me how close we've managed to be just having phone and email, and when we're together it's like we've never been apart. 

Last week we got dressed up and went to the Cheesecake Factory to celebrate her acceptance to an internship in Brazil this fall! We got so many great looks from everyone in the mall and our waiter thought we were pretty hot stuff ;) (he took the above picture)

This weekend I've been up in Logan with her in the little house where she lives by herself. It's cozy and quaint with a creek that runs across the backyard, which is a simply magical sound at night. There is nothing I love more than just being with Meg; we fit into each other's lives so easily. There's no pretense, no self-consciousness, just unadulterated joy in being together. Yesterday we had a full day of errands, driving to Preston, Idaho, getting shakes at the Napoleon Dynamite diner, exploring an abandoned mill where we were watched by 3 huge, gorgeous owls, getting our butts kicked at a yoga class, making a beautiful dinner together, complete with chocolate lava cake and sangria and watching The Vow (which was adorable, I don't care what you say).

We joke all the time that we'd make a perfect married couple. Evidence: we were laying in bed last night, having been quiet for quite some time, just mulling over the day, waiting for sleep to come, when I whispered, "Did you remember to cover the cake?" "Yes," she whispered and then we both giggled. Maybe you had to be there, but it was just a perfect example of how comfortably we mesh together.

I have no idea what I'd do without her.

Colorful Summer

Dearest Readers,

The summer is seriously flying by, I feel like it's getting away much too quickly. Just a few little things happening in my world: finding a new job with more hours, looking at a couple different houses for the fall, reading A TON, getting the hang of making patches for my jeans, blues dancing as much as possible, spending time with old, dear friends, and...ya know...dating someone :)

Didn't see that coming did you? I sure didn't. It's still very new, so I'm trying to keep it on the down-low, but on the other hand, I just want to scream sometimes about how freaking awesome it is to be alive and this happy! For those of you paying attention, it's not the same guy I posted about kissing. He was lovely, but he went to California for the summer, so this new guy just kind of slipped in when I wasn't looking. If I'm lucky, things will keep being wonderful and I'll give you more details as things progress, but suffice it to say, I'm one happy camper.

In other news, my mom is here this weekend and my favorite cousin got home from her mission this week and I get to see her tomorrow!!

A very happy Saturday afternoon to you all :)

So...Guess What?

My birthday was on Monday!! I meant to post then, but as you can imagine, things were a little busy :)

I got tons of calls/texts/emails wishing me all the best for this, my 20th year.

I ate my weight in Sri Lankan food at at the beautiful Banana Leaf

All my roommates, their boyfriends/fiancees, my brother and James were the best dinner party ever.

Then my Blues family had a party at our friend Eric's new place, 

Complete with fire pit, sparkling lemonade, fedoras, and bluesy dancing shenanigans.

It was perfect. I couldn't have felt more loved. 

I have officially said goodbye to my teens 

and am looking forward to people taking me a little more seriously. 

Here's wishing for a good year of being 20 :)

  

Slow Mornings

Summer has been so incredibly lovely--hence, I have neglected my blog even more than usual. I cannot get enough of the gorgeous sunshine. But even more than the sun, I have enjoyed getting to wake up slowly more often than not. I occasionally have to work at 8am (which I absolutely hate) but most of the time I can just let my body wake up whenever it wants.

It is one of my favorite intimate pleasures to have the house be empty, to keep my eyes closed and just feel the morning light slowly warm my covers and touch my exposed skin, to lay on my back and open my eyes to a gold-tinged ceiling and glowing blinds, to doze in and out until I feel like swinging my legs over the edge of my bed to step out into the slight chill of the still-sleepy house. I make myself a warm bowl of oatmeal, huddle up on the couch and eat in the quiet, watching birds, bikers, runners, and school goers parade by.

But of course, Zooey says it best:

Dig a Little Deeper...

 

Today I Discovered Bliss

Cinnamon Chocolate Ice Cream

Not kidding. Not even a little bit. 

As If I Don't Talk About Love Enough

Things I love about kissing (particularly about kissing...a certain someone):

I love that full, held moment just before our lips meet--an expectant pause that is sometimes almost better than the kiss itself...almost ;)

I love that he makes me so giddy that I can't help but grin, even in the middle of a kiss, and then I feel even more giddy and silly, which makes me smile bigger, until I finally have to break away in fits of giggles (which he finds amusing).

I love the way he holds my face.

I love that he savors the kiss. He is so unassuming, not rushed and eager, but collected and appreciative. 

I love his hands in my hair.

I love having his shoulders/biceps/forearms to hang on to in the moments that rob me of my breath. 

I love his tenderness. 

I love the time when we're not kissing, when he's relaxed and I can sit for minutes at a time and trace his face with my fingertips. In the quiet there, I wish I were an artist. That I could somehow translate the softness of his skin to paper. 

I love the way he looks at me, especially if he's dozed off for a second and opens his eyes to find me smiling at him. That conspiratorial, blissful grin is so priceless.  

I love it when he absentmindedly traces my hands or my arms when we're watching a movie. 

I love that he let me eat the chocolate strawberry at Zupas. He didn't even ask for a bite! 

I love that he's kind of 5 sometimes. 

I love how deeply he listens. 

I love the way we blend...

P.S. I feel that I need to clarify that I'm not exclusively dating this guy. We're just in very genuine appreciation of each other, not a defined relationship, which is simply perfect :)

According to Hemingway

I saw Midnight in Paris tonight (an interesting movie) and was stopped in my tracks by this Hemingway line, had to pause the movie, get my notebook, rewind the scene and write it down right then:

Have you ever made love to a truly great woman? And when you make love to her, you feel true and beautiful passion and you, for at least that moment, lose your fear of death? 
I believe that love that is true and real creates a respite from death. All cowardice comes from not loving or not loving well, which is the same thing. And when the man who is brave and true looks death squarely in the face, like some rhino hunters I know, it is because they love with sufficient passion to push death out of their minds…until it returns, as it does to all men. And then you must make really good love again. Think about it.

I was so struck by this description of true love. That it gives you the capacity of passion and will to face your worst fears, even death. I think true love is that balance of feeling completely peaceful, yet ready to take on the world together. I can't wait for that moment when we look at each other and just know that there's nothing that can stop us.

Eleven

Eleven Things:

1. My favorite place in the house is in front of the heater. 

2. I went on 2 dates in one day with the same guy. Impossible you say? Nope, totally happened. 

3. Cheese on toast is my new favorite treat. 

4. I need to find housing for fall. Kinda missed the boat on that...oops

5. My goal for the summer is to only read high-level literature. I'm tired of all the fluff. 

6. I'm way more excited than I should be for Hunger Games this week.

7. Hot chocolate and good company can fix almost anything.

8. I have the most supportive roommates ever. Be jealous. 

9. I want Howard Shore to write the score for my life. 

10. I can't wait for the butterflies that will come with the spring. 

11. I love recommending books and watching people experience their magic for the first time. 

Questions from Brittany:

1. If you could have a cat or a dog (but not both) which would it be? Neither. Dogs bark and poop too much and I'm allergic to cats. But I don't mind when other people have dogs, then they're their problem. 

2. What is one personality trait of yours that you are glad you possess? I don't usually judge people for the way they choose to live. As long as you're happy, I'm happy. 

3. What is one physical trait of yours that you are glad you possess? I love my short hair. 

4. Would you rather sleep in or wake up early? I wish I liked to wake up early, I love the quiet time with the morning light when everything is quiet...but sleeping in is such a simple joy. 

5. Do you have any weird quirks? I eat handheld foods (like sandwiches, cookies, burgers etc.) upside-down.

6. If time and money were not an object, what job would you like to have? I would LOVE to be a wedding planner.

7. What do you find yourself doing in your free time? Reading, sleeping, or talking on the phone. 

8. Would you like to live in a big city or a small town? I want to live in a big city so badly. Please, oh please, let me move to San Francisco tomorrow.

9. If you were famous, what would you want to be famous for? (Singing, acting, whatever.) I've always wanted to be quoted. Like to have said something that people quote to each other to pass along strength or a little wisdom. 

10. What is one habit you would like to break? Staying up late just because sleeping feels like a waste of time.

11. What is one habit you would like to form? To write letters to people on a regular basis. 

My Questions for You:

1. If time/money were not an issue, where in the world would you spend 6 months?

2. What are you doing right now to change the world, even in the smallest way?

3. What is the book that you snuggle down with on a rainy day?

4. If you could be anyone for a day, who would it be? 

5. Who taught you how to ride a bike?

6. What is the most important thing you learned from your mother/father?

7. When was the last time you cried?

8. What are some of your everyday pleasures?

9. Do you have a bucket list? If so, name 3 things on it. If not, make one. I dare you. 

10. What is something you've always been good at? 

11. What talent would you like to develop?

I'm tagging everyone.

Write 11 random things.

Answer my 11 questions.

Write 11 new questions.

Tag someone else.

Capitol Reef

At the end of February my outdoor creative writing class took a 3-day trip to Capitol Reef National Park and stayed at the field station there which runs on its own solar power--totally off the grid. Down there in the desert, it's a different world, untouched by the rush and bustle of most places. I couldn't get over how quiet it was there, especially at night. And the stars--my gosh. Here's a little excerpt from a journal entry I made while sitting on the edge of a cliff overlooking the valley beneath the field station:

The quality of the sunlight is different here. I feel like my vision is clearer--I can see further and the colors are vivid and deep. 
The valley spread out beneath the cliff is an oval bowl full of green. The first thing I noticed was how many different shades of green there are in just a few square feet. There are short, round trees that are like something between pine and sagebrush that are a dark, rich green. Then underneath is the actual sage, the most beautiful combination of pale green, hazy blue, and silver. The other shrubs and grasses range from bright green, almost yellow, to a dark kind of lavender purple. Then always the underlying layer of rusty, sun-baked earth. 
The oval dish is segmented in random shapes by an old wooden fence that snakes through the valley. Even though it is man-made, it somehow doesn't feel out of place here. As if the wood of the trees conspired with the dirt to grow this structure out of the ground, if for no other purpose than to have a change of scenery. 
Like the sunlight, the quality of silence is different here. I noticed it first last night in bed and I wondered what made the quiet of this desert night so different from the night back home. I realized it was the combination of the absence of any traffic whatsoever and the total darkness. Out here there is no light at night except the stars and the barely visible sliver of moon. When the darkness rolls in, it is not like a muffling blanket, but rather like dark water dispersed in the sky that makes the black-blue air cold and clear. 


On our second day we climbed to Cassidy Arch, what an amazing view:

We stood on top of the arch itself (a scary thing to see from the other side) and generally frolicked around. Then our last day, we climbed this mountain:

It looks impossible, but it actually wasn't that bad. We played in the slot canyons for hours that morning, climbing with our backs against one wall and our feet against the other, shimmying around and giggling like crazy. 

Needless to say, it was an amazing trip. I love my whole class, and it was so neat to bond in the desert, really getting to know each other, staying up late and telling funny stories til we were all crying and doubled up with laughter. There's really nothing like it. 

It's Officially Been Forever

It's been almost a month, I know, but I have some very exciting things to post about over the next couple of days so that I don't flood you with an overload of how awesome Kimber's life is. 'Cause let's be honest, my life is pretty freaking awesome.

The weather this week has been so incredibly beautiful I can hardly stand it, and I had no idea how lacking I have been for the sun. On Monday I made myself a white bread-mustard-and-cheese sandwich, opened the front door, and just sat in my perfect patch of sunshine and grinned. I don't think I've ever smiled at so many strangers before, I hope they didn't mind. For only having gotten about 3 hours of sleep the night before, I was very chipper and simply stoked to be alive. I wish every Monday was that awesome.

Tomorrow, or sometime this weekend, I'll be giving you the updates on 2 trips I've taken in the last month with my outdoor adventure creative writing class, which, can I just say, is the best class I've ever taken. I learn more in the 3 days we're gone than I ever do in a semester in school. Talk about practical education. All my love, and happy Friday!!

Free as a Bird

Can I just say, once again, how much I love my job? I just got applause from the class I worked with tonight and I've never felt more sincerely complimented. I love knowing that I've done a good job and that the students appreciate the work I'm doing, knowing that it isn't easy. Even though it's hard, it's so rewarding. I feel so lucky to be part of the artistic experience, especially when I see a sketch that captures exactly how I felt during the pose, with the artist's emotion blended in. In those moments, I feel so beautiful and....seen. There's really nothing quite like it.

On Repeat

My roommate Patty introduced me to this song a few days ago and I think I've listened to it at least 100 times since then. I'm putting up all 3 versions of the song because all 3 are amazing in their own way and so worth watching and listening to over and over again. The first one is the original (don't be alarmed by the fact that you can tell he's naked at the beginning, you don't see anything and it get's really cool later. Such a cool video.) The second is a group called Walk Off the Earth. I want to marry the musical genius who figured out they could play the song on one guitar--freaking rad. The last video is a group called Pentatonix. They won the Sing Off this past season and are amazing. Have fun being as addicted as I am to this incredible song.

Big Band Babes!

A couple posts ago I mentioned that my roommates and I were going to a Big Band '40s Night this weekend. Well, it was a smashing success and here are some awesome pictures, courtesy of my roommate Jocelyn's iPhone and our neighbor David's professional work. Aren't we all so photogenic?!?

The Ladies

The Gents

The Group!

Jocelyn and Kendall (and a little bit of me)

Renee and Chad

Me and Adam

My personal favorite :)

Jocelyn and I wiped out at the end of the night. So worth it!! 

Needless to say, it was an amazing evening. Adam is an awesome dancer and everyone loved our fancy dips and tricks we practiced. Can't wait to do it again next year!!

Gray Mornings

The rain from yesterday is still lingering in the air this morning, and it is making me feel all soft and snuggly. I just want to lay on the couch by the heater and read The Time Traveler's Wife all day.

But alas, I have to (well, get to) go snow shoeing for my creative writing class this afternoon! Here's hoping I come back in one piece!

What a Month

Ok, it's been way too long, so I'm gonna try to give the highlights of the last month as quickly as possible.
1) Nathan and I aren't really talking anymore. He got a girlfriend (obviously not me) so things just haven't quite been the same, but it's all good and there are no hard feelings. I'm still so incredibly grateful he came into my life.
2) Modeling is amazing!!! I love every single day of it, and it never gets boring. Also, I got a second gig modeling for a Saturday class that my roommate Renee is in. They needed a female model, so I got hired, and it pays double what I make at the school, so that's a bonus.
3) I absolutely ADORE my roommates, especially Renee and Jocelyn. The three of us moved in in January and we just immediately clicked. The other three girls are amazing too, I just couldn't be happier!
4) We're going to a Big Band '40s dance next Saturday!! Renee, Jocelyn and I all asked boys and got cute vintage dresses, and we're having a dance lesson tomorrow night (taught by myself and James) so that everyone will know a few steps to get them through the dance. I asked one of the boys next door and he and I are going to have a blast!!

Yup, I'm a Model

I love it when people ask me what I do for work these days. I get to say, "Oh, I'm a model for the art department," with the best coy intonation I can muster. This is usually followed by a "Wow!" accompanied by slightly skeptical raised eyebrows. I then explain that, no I am not nude, I wear a bikini, yes it's awkward at times, yes it's a lot harder than it looks, yes it's the most interesting experience I've ever had. And yes, I love it.

Needless to say, my first week of work went very well. Strangely enough, my very first day was my favorite. I had been nervous for the whole 24 hours before, worrying that I would run out of ideas for poses, that the whole class would take one look at me and know I'd never done this before, that my belly would hang out funny, that I would faint...oh, the imagined horrors were endless. But I arrived early and invigorated nonetheless, and was further encouraged by the teacher, a young, tall, handsome Asian guy who I thought was a student when he first started talking to me. He was so eager to make sure I was comfortable and really treated me like a person rather than a prop, as the other two teachers did who I worked with later in the week. There were 2 models for that class, and it was her first day too, which made me feel a lot less self-conscious. The class was very friendly and respectful, and they had obviously had some experience with figure drawing before, so the drawings were pretty realistic. As I walked around during the breaks to look at their work, I was fascinated to see myself materialized on the giant pages, each one showing little a different perspective and interpretation. I noticed about halfway through the sustained pose that the teacher was on my side of the room, drawing me. I saw a lot of the students looking at it during the breaks, observing his technique and looking back at their own sketches with looks of dejection, but I wanted to wait until the end to see it. When the end finally came, I went over to the easel and saw this: (I apologize for the terrible quality, but you get the idea)

I was struck dumb. I couldn't believe how beautiful it was!! I asked the teacher if there was any way he'd let me have his drawing, and he looked at me like he couldn't understand why I'd want it, but said I was more than welcome to take it. I feel so lucky to have such a beautiful souvenir from my first day as a model. It is so incredible to be part of the creative process in this way, especially since I can't draw at all myself. 

Sorry for the terribly long post, but I thought you'd like knowing how awesome my new job is. In case you can't tell, I'm pretty dang stoked. Wish me luck this week! 

Breakthrough

I think this is the lesson the universe was trying to teach me for the past two years of my life that have been so lonely. A while ago, I told you about my Peace Garden, where I started learning how to love myself and to let go of the negativity I was getting from other people, and consequently feeding to myself. I have felt so powerless in bringing good relationships into my life and keeping them; I've felt cursed and betrayed by my own desires for closeness and the feeling of being well-liked. But...

....I've had a breakthrough!! This weekend I got asked on 3 dates within 24 hours. Nothing even remotely close to that has EVER happened to me before. I don't know if it was the shift of moving, or just a shift in my energy, but suddenly the guys are breaking down my door. If I'd told myself even a month ago that this would be happening, I never would have believed it. I've already been on 2 of the dates and the other one is on Wednesday, and so far they've been wonderful! Just tonight I got taken to a lovely Japanese restaurant and then to the Nickel-Cade--probably one of the best dates I've been on in the last year (not that there were many to compare it to). 

I have to say, I think I have Nathan to thank for my breakthrough. We had an instant connection, he wasn't afraid to express his immediate interest in me, he wasn't intimidated by my responding interest, he made me feel beautiful and desirable, and he expected nothing. I think I needed that kind of positive reinforcement to break down my remaining walls so that all these other guys would finally see me, right there in front of them, waiting to be noticed. And it freaking worked!! The message from the universe finally came through and I finally stand out in the crowd. 

I just had to share how good I'm feeling :) I hope you're feeling just as awesome. 

Actually Pumped About School!

As strange as it sounds, I'm actually really excited about the coming semester having now gone to almost all my classes (my Geology teacher is still on his way back from Antarctica so class starts Monday) and scoped out all the cute boys ;) I'll probably tell you more about each of my classes as exciting things happen in them.

But I have to tell you, the class I'm most excited about is an outdoor adventure non-fiction creative writing class I signed up for by accident! Long story short, I thought I had just signed up for the regular non-fiction creative writing class, and had heard about the one where you got to go backpacking and stuff but could never find it in the registry, so I'd given up. But come to find out, they had messed up the registry and I had accidentally signed up for the outdoor class anyway! So, I get to take a 3 day trip to the Uinta mountains where we cross country ski into the valley, stay in yurts (big walled tents), and build snow caves. We also have day trips of cross country skiing, snow showing, and outdoor cooking. And that's all just a bonus to the creative writing class. SO COOL!! Right? Oh man, I can't wait. Oh, and bonus, there's an extremely attractive guy in my class whose name is....get this: Hawkin Vance. Can you even think of a hotter name? I submit that you cannot. Let's just say, I'm excited to get to know this Hawkin guy.

Well, that's pretty much it from my happy corner of Provo. Speaking of Provo, it finally snowed today. Still not sure how I feel about it. But it's pretty, so I guess I'll take it.

Finally Back in Action!

My apologies to anyone, besides me, who cares that I was MIA almost all of break. Here are 10 things that either happened over break or that are just tumbling around in my head:
1) I LOVE my new house! I just can't get over how different and wonderful it is to be here and not in my old apartment. There are adjustments, for sure, but in the grander scheme, it couldn't be better.
2) I got sicker than I can remember ever being, on Christmas Day no less, and I got to be the recipient of such tender love from my brother and my mom in particular as my sweet family took care of me. As my sister put it, "You puked out all your brains, so then you had to re-grow them." Yup, it pretty much went exactly like that. After I was done throwing up I spent the next 3 days in and out of consciousness.
3) I love where my relationship is with Nathan. For the first time, I'm not worrying myself sick about where things are going or what he's thinking or why we're not officially dating. I'm completely at ease and just happy to have him in my life, however he's meant to be there.
4) My bikini for my new modeling job came in the mail today!! It's a simple black little number, nothing fancy, but I actually look/feel good in it (something I was a little nervous about.) I can't wait to start working!
5) Nathan lent me a book called The Maze Runner over break, which I finished the other day, happy to have read an actual book! It feels like it's been forever since I've done that. I can't wait to read the 2nd one.
6) I started reading Eat, Pray, Love yesterday. I read it once a few years ago, but it feels like I'm reading it for the first time. I think I was too young when I read it before and now it's way more applicable to what's happening in my life. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. I find myself constantly wanting to call someone to read them whole passages, it's so well written.
7) As I've looked back at the last year, I've seen that it was an amazing year of personal growth. I feel like I finally came into myself as an independent, grounded woman. As strange as it sounds, cutting my hair was a huge part of that process, as well as having my financially independent summer. There were times when I was unbearably lonely, but I also have made some of my dearest friends in the last year. I don't know this new Kimber very well yet, but I like her a lot so far :)
8) Tomorrow is the first day of school, and even though break wasn't nearly long enough, I'm actually really looking forward to this semester. I'm taking a creative non-fiction writing class that I'm stoked about, and I'm also in the next level of Contemporary dance, which makes me very happy.
9) We (as in the 3 of us new girls in the house) met our male next door neighbors last night and hung out with one of them again today. It seems like our two houses will get along quite nicely.
10) Lastly, I love my new roommates, particularly the other 2 new girls. The 3 of us have been hanging out since they got here yesterday and I foresee us becoming fast friends :) I love finally living with girls who are like me. How different that will be!

Well, I have to get up early for school tomorrow, so sweet dreams :)