Lessons From the Universe

For the first time in a very long time, I got to sit down and read a book all in one sitting. I woke up this morning, had some breakfast, then promptly got back in bed and read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (which, if you haven't read it, you need to...like, yesterday.) I've read it at least 3 times before, but every time I read it again, it's as if it's for the first time. I've never had another book read that way. Even though I know what's going to happen, somehow it's either been long enough or the story is so complicatedly simple that it's a completely fresh experience. It's a story about pursuing your dreams, following the omens, and learning the Language of the World. Like I said: complicatedly simple.

As I read this time, thoughts and memories came up in my mind, showing me a few lessons the universe has been putting in my path over the last little while. The foremost of those lessons was that dreams are important. As children, each of us has dreams, goals and aspirations that resonate within us, all the way to our souls, and the world looks beautiful and full of possibility and hope. But then, as we grow, the color of the world gets darker and our dreams start to seem impossible, so we often give up. But the moment the choice is made to listen to our inner child, everything in our world conspires together for our good, the dream awakens, and we are set on a path. I've been thinking about making some pretty radical changes in my life, but I've been afraid to fully plunge in, for fear that everything will go wrong or that I am pursuing the wrong path. But then today, everything felt right. It is scary to dive off the cliff and do something completely different than I expected or what has been expected of me, but I realized everything is falling into place to help me get exactly what I want.

The other lesson that has come up a lot lately that I wanted to mention was to immediately listen to impressions from the Spirit. God is always listening and can therefore tell when one person needs something from someone else. I LOVE getting to be that someone else. I also love the moments when I can recognize my innermost needs being met through another person. Sometimes it's a smile, a text, or a conversation with a stranger while waiting for a train. It's all God's love, and we should be anxiously listening for both the chance to give and to receive it.

Final thought from The Alchemist: Everything is written by the same hand. Everything is one. Isn't that a comforting thought?

Off Adventuring

Sorry for the hiatus, it's been a crazy crazy month! April always seems to be the time when everything pours in with the rain (and boy has it been raining.) School is finally over, but leading up to that were a few really fun events. Last post I told you about the Festival of Colors, which was amazing, but what I didn't tell you was that later that night Chancy and I went to the BYU Traditions Ball. Somehow we managed to clean up pretty well:

I scored that gorgeous dress for $20 at DI last summer and I was so excited to finally get a chance to wear it! Chancy was the perfect date for this fancy event, he was classy and a perfect gentleman. The live band was incredible and we wowed everybody there with our smooth blues moves, especially to "Fever." Let me tell you, they were jealous of our mad skills ;) 

A couple weeks later was my good friend Hailey's 21st birthday, which was a smashing success! It was a loosely masquerade-themed party, so I painted my eyes all pretty and wore a feather in my hair and feathers in my ears and we had a blast: 

As you may have gathered from the pictures, Chancy and I have been spending quite a bit of time together in the last few weeks, and we've had a really beautiful time. He and I have been best friends for almost a year now (he and his roommate Aldo have been there for me particularly in the last few months, helping me through being in a long distance relationship and just generally being awesome) and shortly after the Traditions Ball we decided we wanted to be more than just friends ;) Unfortunately, our time together has an expiration date of next Monday because he got an opportunity to work in Panama, where he served his mission, so he's taking it with great enthusiasm. Even though it's been short, I couldn't be more thankful for our time together and all the soul-deepening experiences we've shared. He has been there for me in a time when I was vulnerable and needing a lot of healing and love, and he knew just what to do. 

And finally, my summer plans have shifted from moving to California to staying here in Utah for just a few more months. There's a really exciting reason as to why, but I can't tell you just yet....so stay tuned!! Much love :)

All Things Spring

I woke up to my favorite sound this morning: rain against my window. Nothing says SPRING! like a gorgeous, soft rain shower. The whole weekend was beautifully sunny and I got my first inklings of a sunburn on my nose and cheeks, which made me sooo giddy with thoughts of more sun to come!

And instead of dying eggs for Easter this year, I dyed myself! This Saturday, all my closest friends (except poor Meg, who was stuck in bed with a migraine) got together for the Holi Festival of Colors at the Hindu temple down in Spanish Fork. It's an annual Hindu celebration of life and joy and freedom that is attended by about 20 Hindus and about 2 million Mormons haha....but seriously. So we went and got ourselves covered with chalk and had ourselves a blast. Here's some evidence:

Before.....

After....

Team Purple Hand!

A view of the temple

Taken from here:

Happy Spring!!

An Easter Update

Well folks, it appears that all the uncomfortableness of last week was leading up to a profound learning experience: being single again. Things hadn't been quite the same between Abram and I in the 3 weeks since seeing each other, so it wasn't completely unexpected, but of course it was painful and not what I wanted.

So, it has now been a week, and I just have to say that I am incredibly blessed. I had so much immediate support in any way that I needed it, which was an amazing show of just how many close friends I have and how much they care about me. I feel so lucky to have also been blessed with the gift of perspective, even on the day it happened. There is, of course, still sadness and hurt, but more than anything I feel empowered and hopeful for the next beautiful thing that is waiting for me, and I am full of gratitude for my relationship with Abram, which was perfect for what it was and completely changed my life for the better. 

It's so fitting that today is Easter in all the gratitude I am feeling and I'm glad I have an excuse to be publicly vocal about it. I have spent a lot of time on my knees in the last week, and there is no question that there was someone listening, giving me answers and peace. I know that there are many unseen forces working together in my life for good, and that every day is one more step on a path that He already sees and is just as excited as I am to be there with me through all the growing and beauty to come. 

Tangible Distance

I've been thinking about that in-between space--where lips almost meet, the inch where failure becomes success, waiting for the next words, from the leap to hitting the water....that moment of suspension where anything can happen. At the moment, that's what my life feels like. A lot of learning and pushing has happened in the last week, and as we all know, growing is never comfortable. Everything feels stretched and strained and that not-quite-right feeling follows me everywhere. I feel like there's this bubble of clear, flexible glass around me that lets me see and hear but not touch anything. Even being held feels disconnected, and that's what makes the distance tangible.

3rd Time's the Charm

I hadn't really thought about it until I was sitting in the airport on Sunday, admittedly trying not to cry my eyes out in public, but I realized Abe and I have had to say goodbye 3 times now after only being together a few days at a time. It's so strange to think that our actual, in person relationship has only taken place in 3 to 10 day stints...why we couldn't have figured out we were supposed to be together when we were in the same town I'll never know. But to be perfectly honest, I don't think I'd have it any other way. I've been the happiest I have ever been in the last 6 months, and that's being apart from each other, I can't even imagine how happy I'll be when we live in the same state again. This time apart has really given us a chance to grow and take risks and learn to trust what we have, and I don't know if we could have gotten the same emotional experience without the distance, so I'm continually grateful for it, as hard as it's been.

 Moving away from the pensive broodings of tired Kimber and onto happy details of the weekend :) I flew in Thursday night and we went straight from the airport to blues dancing, which was just what I needed. I loved seeing a few familiar faces (most of whom said something along the lines of "We've danced before...how do I know you??" within about 10 seconds of dancing with me or hearing my name, so I'd quickly explain that we met over New Years) and enjoyed meeting lots of new people. I think my second favorite thing about dancing, the first being the dance itself in all of its intimacies, is catching other people watching me dance. I love that I'm at the level now that people actually stop to watch me, it makes me feel so good, like I've finally moved past the phase of worrying about what I look like and into the place of actually looking good because the movement is coming naturally. So obviously, the first night = success. We grabbed some In-N-Out on the way home at about 2am, which was a nice chance to finally just sit down and talk and look at each other for the first time in 2 months. Just being able to reach across the table and put my hand in his was so simply and deeply satisfying.

Friday was a mix of lazy and productive. after sleeping in late, we got up and ready for the day only to decide we didn't want to do anything just yet so we curled up on the couch and got caught up on a TV show we both watch and just enjoyed the down time. Around 1 we decided we needed to do something productive, so we ran all our errands to Costco, getting the oil changed, and getting him a much-needed haircut. We came home to a beautiful sunset so we took our sandwiches on a lovely walk around the park near his house.

Saturday morning found us making breakfast with our friend Meghan, who brought a lovely fruit bowl to our pancake bar meal--it was marvelous. Abram's niece had a birthday party that day up in south San Francisco, so that's where we spent most of our afternoon. His brother's neighborhood there in San Bruno is an interesting eclectic mix of architecture and style, and we got to see an impressive amount of it on a walk we took to let his niece nap away from the party-filled house. I also got to hold his other niece for about an hour that afternoon, and oh my word, what a beautiful, tiny little bundle she was. She's about 6 weeks old and was happy to just snooze on my chest and let me get my fill of snuggles :)

That night there was a big blues house party, which was probably the highlight of the weekend. We danced for a good 6 hours straight, staying up into the wee hours of the morning by the fire pit in the backyard and all taking turns in the droopy hammock. The other thing I love so much about blues is what an instant community there is between dancers. I felt immediately welcome and unconditionally loved, leaving with many more friends than I came in with. I can't wait to have that be my permanent community this summer!! I'll leave you with a beautiful picture from that night, and tell you that I couldn't be happier :)

Tomorrow

Tomorrow's the day! After almost 8 weeks apart, Abram and I get to spend the weekend together :) Needless to say, I'm kinda stoked. Last time I flew out there this was my favorite part of the flight:

(not my picture)

I got lucky enough to see both sunset and sunrise over LA on either end of the trip and it was AMAZING! I love planes and airports and just the whole experience. So excited. 

The other thing I'm sooooo looking forward to (besides dancing, cooking, kissing, and generally lounging with my man) is the weather!! It will be so great to get away from the gross snow of Utah and bask in some of this for the weekend: 

P.S. Brittany posted some more gorgeous pictures!! If it's any incentive to check them out, I'm wearing a freaking crown of pine branches. She's so cool. No two fish are alike is where you'll find her :)

On Vulnerability

Last night one of my best friends sent me a 4 page text telling me she was worried she was starting to like this new guy in her life too much. Her last relationship was with a manipulative...pig (which is the understatement of the century) so she has been understandably wary of trusting someone with her heart again. I didn't really think too much before replying, just let the words come out and was surprised to find I had some pretty profound wisdom to share: "The best thing I can tell you is that it is always worth it to love, to give your heart fully, especially because there's a chance it'll get broken. That's the only way you're ever going to learn to trust someone again."

I've reread that several times over the last day and the more I think about it, the more it makes sense to me. As someone who's been through her fair share of heartbreak, I can honestly say I don't regret giving my full heart every time. Why should getting your heart broken make you afraid to give it again? What if the next person who comes into your life is the one that is meant to stay but you don't trust them enough to give them your full heart, always harboring that small particle of doubt and fear that they will hurt you? I don't want to live my relationships in fear. I want to live them fully and with trust, though I obviously don't want to be naive about it, but I think that's where past heartache comes in; if you learn from the mistakes of past relationships, the next ones should be richer for the experience. This is just me thinking out loud, and I totally understand that other people think differently about this than I do, but there's my 2 cents.

In other news, my friend Brittany from no two fish are alike and I did a really cool photo shoot a couple weeks ago and she posted 2 of the pictures to her blog so you should go check them out (the first one is my favorite)! I love having artistic friends :)

Last, but not least, sorry it's been a while, it hasn't been a super eventful month, just trying to plow through school and figure out summer plans. But, I get to see my man in 3 days (!!!!!!) so....that's exciting :) and slightly distracting. Updates to come! Thanks for stopping by.

Thank You Lord...

...for cookies, Skype, my spirit sisters who always know the right thing to say; for airplanes, cars, and the money to use them; for art that makes me think and question and cry; for love, in all of its forms and expressions; for space heaters and friends who know when to just hold you and be quiet; for a boyfriend who knows how to work hard, cares about what I think, and tells me he misses me; for my endlessly supportive family; for my body that carries me through every day and allows me to express myself in so many creative capacities. And if you're reading this, know that I'm thankful for you too, in more ways than you will every know. And: