All Things Spring

I woke up to my favorite sound this morning: rain against my window. Nothing says SPRING! like a gorgeous, soft rain shower. The whole weekend was beautifully sunny and I got my first inklings of a sunburn on my nose and cheeks, which made me sooo giddy with thoughts of more sun to come!

And instead of dying eggs for Easter this year, I dyed myself! This Saturday, all my closest friends (except poor Meg, who was stuck in bed with a migraine) got together for the Holi Festival of Colors at the Hindu temple down in Spanish Fork. It's an annual Hindu celebration of life and joy and freedom that is attended by about 20 Hindus and about 2 million Mormons haha....but seriously. So we went and got ourselves covered with chalk and had ourselves a blast. Here's some evidence:

Before.....

After....

Team Purple Hand!

A view of the temple

Taken from here:

Happy Spring!!

An Easter Update

Well folks, it appears that all the uncomfortableness of last week was leading up to a profound learning experience: being single again. Things hadn't been quite the same between Abram and I in the 3 weeks since seeing each other, so it wasn't completely unexpected, but of course it was painful and not what I wanted.

So, it has now been a week, and I just have to say that I am incredibly blessed. I had so much immediate support in any way that I needed it, which was an amazing show of just how many close friends I have and how much they care about me. I feel so lucky to have also been blessed with the gift of perspective, even on the day it happened. There is, of course, still sadness and hurt, but more than anything I feel empowered and hopeful for the next beautiful thing that is waiting for me, and I am full of gratitude for my relationship with Abram, which was perfect for what it was and completely changed my life for the better. 

It's so fitting that today is Easter in all the gratitude I am feeling and I'm glad I have an excuse to be publicly vocal about it. I have spent a lot of time on my knees in the last week, and there is no question that there was someone listening, giving me answers and peace. I know that there are many unseen forces working together in my life for good, and that every day is one more step on a path that He already sees and is just as excited as I am to be there with me through all the growing and beauty to come. 

Tangible Distance

I've been thinking about that in-between space--where lips almost meet, the inch where failure becomes success, waiting for the next words, from the leap to hitting the water....that moment of suspension where anything can happen. At the moment, that's what my life feels like. A lot of learning and pushing has happened in the last week, and as we all know, growing is never comfortable. Everything feels stretched and strained and that not-quite-right feeling follows me everywhere. I feel like there's this bubble of clear, flexible glass around me that lets me see and hear but not touch anything. Even being held feels disconnected, and that's what makes the distance tangible.

3rd Time's the Charm

I hadn't really thought about it until I was sitting in the airport on Sunday, admittedly trying not to cry my eyes out in public, but I realized Abe and I have had to say goodbye 3 times now after only being together a few days at a time. It's so strange to think that our actual, in person relationship has only taken place in 3 to 10 day stints...why we couldn't have figured out we were supposed to be together when we were in the same town I'll never know. But to be perfectly honest, I don't think I'd have it any other way. I've been the happiest I have ever been in the last 6 months, and that's being apart from each other, I can't even imagine how happy I'll be when we live in the same state again. This time apart has really given us a chance to grow and take risks and learn to trust what we have, and I don't know if we could have gotten the same emotional experience without the distance, so I'm continually grateful for it, as hard as it's been.

 Moving away from the pensive broodings of tired Kimber and onto happy details of the weekend :) I flew in Thursday night and we went straight from the airport to blues dancing, which was just what I needed. I loved seeing a few familiar faces (most of whom said something along the lines of "We've danced before...how do I know you??" within about 10 seconds of dancing with me or hearing my name, so I'd quickly explain that we met over New Years) and enjoyed meeting lots of new people. I think my second favorite thing about dancing, the first being the dance itself in all of its intimacies, is catching other people watching me dance. I love that I'm at the level now that people actually stop to watch me, it makes me feel so good, like I've finally moved past the phase of worrying about what I look like and into the place of actually looking good because the movement is coming naturally. So obviously, the first night = success. We grabbed some In-N-Out on the way home at about 2am, which was a nice chance to finally just sit down and talk and look at each other for the first time in 2 months. Just being able to reach across the table and put my hand in his was so simply and deeply satisfying.

Friday was a mix of lazy and productive. after sleeping in late, we got up and ready for the day only to decide we didn't want to do anything just yet so we curled up on the couch and got caught up on a TV show we both watch and just enjoyed the down time. Around 1 we decided we needed to do something productive, so we ran all our errands to Costco, getting the oil changed, and getting him a much-needed haircut. We came home to a beautiful sunset so we took our sandwiches on a lovely walk around the park near his house.

Saturday morning found us making breakfast with our friend Meghan, who brought a lovely fruit bowl to our pancake bar meal--it was marvelous. Abram's niece had a birthday party that day up in south San Francisco, so that's where we spent most of our afternoon. His brother's neighborhood there in San Bruno is an interesting eclectic mix of architecture and style, and we got to see an impressive amount of it on a walk we took to let his niece nap away from the party-filled house. I also got to hold his other niece for about an hour that afternoon, and oh my word, what a beautiful, tiny little bundle she was. She's about 6 weeks old and was happy to just snooze on my chest and let me get my fill of snuggles :)

That night there was a big blues house party, which was probably the highlight of the weekend. We danced for a good 6 hours straight, staying up into the wee hours of the morning by the fire pit in the backyard and all taking turns in the droopy hammock. The other thing I love so much about blues is what an instant community there is between dancers. I felt immediately welcome and unconditionally loved, leaving with many more friends than I came in with. I can't wait to have that be my permanent community this summer!! I'll leave you with a beautiful picture from that night, and tell you that I couldn't be happier :)

Tomorrow

Tomorrow's the day! After almost 8 weeks apart, Abram and I get to spend the weekend together :) Needless to say, I'm kinda stoked. Last time I flew out there this was my favorite part of the flight:

(not my picture)

I got lucky enough to see both sunset and sunrise over LA on either end of the trip and it was AMAZING! I love planes and airports and just the whole experience. So excited. 

The other thing I'm sooooo looking forward to (besides dancing, cooking, kissing, and generally lounging with my man) is the weather!! It will be so great to get away from the gross snow of Utah and bask in some of this for the weekend: 

P.S. Brittany posted some more gorgeous pictures!! If it's any incentive to check them out, I'm wearing a freaking crown of pine branches. She's so cool. No two fish are alike is where you'll find her :)

On Vulnerability

Last night one of my best friends sent me a 4 page text telling me she was worried she was starting to like this new guy in her life too much. Her last relationship was with a manipulative...pig (which is the understatement of the century) so she has been understandably wary of trusting someone with her heart again. I didn't really think too much before replying, just let the words come out and was surprised to find I had some pretty profound wisdom to share: "The best thing I can tell you is that it is always worth it to love, to give your heart fully, especially because there's a chance it'll get broken. That's the only way you're ever going to learn to trust someone again."

I've reread that several times over the last day and the more I think about it, the more it makes sense to me. As someone who's been through her fair share of heartbreak, I can honestly say I don't regret giving my full heart every time. Why should getting your heart broken make you afraid to give it again? What if the next person who comes into your life is the one that is meant to stay but you don't trust them enough to give them your full heart, always harboring that small particle of doubt and fear that they will hurt you? I don't want to live my relationships in fear. I want to live them fully and with trust, though I obviously don't want to be naive about it, but I think that's where past heartache comes in; if you learn from the mistakes of past relationships, the next ones should be richer for the experience. This is just me thinking out loud, and I totally understand that other people think differently about this than I do, but there's my 2 cents.

In other news, my friend Brittany from no two fish are alike and I did a really cool photo shoot a couple weeks ago and she posted 2 of the pictures to her blog so you should go check them out (the first one is my favorite)! I love having artistic friends :)

Last, but not least, sorry it's been a while, it hasn't been a super eventful month, just trying to plow through school and figure out summer plans. But, I get to see my man in 3 days (!!!!!!) so....that's exciting :) and slightly distracting. Updates to come! Thanks for stopping by.

Thank You Lord...

...for cookies, Skype, my spirit sisters who always know the right thing to say; for airplanes, cars, and the money to use them; for art that makes me think and question and cry; for love, in all of its forms and expressions; for space heaters and friends who know when to just hold you and be quiet; for a boyfriend who knows how to work hard, cares about what I think, and tells me he misses me; for my endlessly supportive family; for my body that carries me through every day and allows me to express myself in so many creative capacities. And if you're reading this, know that I'm thankful for you too, in more ways than you will every know. And:

Kindred Spirits

I know I've mentioned my best friends Megan and Erin before, but just to recap, they're my twin best friends who are at school up in Washington who I've known since we were 11. Erin writes an incredibly beautiful blog, which you can enjoy for yourself at scrupulology.blogspot.com.  I was catching up on in today and was brought up short by this post:

Christ and King:

If it be your will

Preserve me through the day -

Live in everything I do

And every word I say -

Master, Maker:

Mold this clay -

And show to me the narrow way. 

I named this prayer-poem, “A Dedication.” I say it close to ten times on a daily basis. It is the prayer I speak to God when I am weary, worried, overwhelmed. It is also the prayer that brings to God moments of intense consolation and praise in my life. It is my all-purpose prayer, probably because within it the God of my heart and mind is manifest. A God that is savior and king, sustainer and guide, master and maker. In this prayer, I disclose my belief in a God that recognizes and protects my identity as his beloved daughter. I profess my complete reliance on his love and mercy to carry me throughout my days. I acknowledge his formative power in my life, and invite his guidance and presence in all things. I enshrine his majesty in a quiet, simple poem; perhaps unintentionally because I see him most clearly in unassuming, accidental things. Through prayer, I have found an omnipotent God that dwells on the edges of aspen leaves and waits for me in good books and honest conversation. He is a God who has stitched himself into the fabric of my life, and stirs my soul both when I seek him out and when I stumble upon him.

It's not often that I am brought to tears by words, unless it is at the end of an emotional book because I usually need the build-up to get that kind of response. But Erin's words struck something very deep within me...something I've never found the adequate words to express before, and have now found in the words of a sister whose soul is made of the same stuff as mine. Yesterday was a day of intense prayer and reflection for me as I am seeking specific answers to some hefty life decisions, and I was so blessed to find exactly what Erin described: love and mercy to carry me, His words spoken through others, and His presence in every single thing I touched. I am deeply humbled and full of gratitude, both for my Heavenly Father and the sweet blessing of friendship.

Happy Friday!

Well folks, it's the end of the week and I have to say, it's been a good one :) Tuesday night, it was made possible by some of my dearest friends for me to buy tickets to go visit Abram 4 weeks from today!! We didn't think we'd get to see each other until at least April, so this is a very welcome treat. I couldn't be more thankful for the incredible support I have around me on all sides, from friends to family, even people I barely know. There is so much love in the world, and I am infinitely grateful to be on the receiving end of some very beautiful loving :)

Other good things this week included two nights of mind-blowing dancing. Tuesday night in particular, I was just really on, all my nerve endings buzzing with heightened awareness. Almost every dance I had was fiery and connected...perfect. Last night I went Latin dancing for the first time in quite a while, so I was worried I'd be rusty, especially dancing in heels, but I got compliment after compliment and was passed from one partner to the next, usually with a comment like "You have to dance with her, she's amazing!" I also ended up running into quite a few friends I hadn't seen in over a year, it was so great to catch up with everyone. Today my entire body is sore, but it was so worth it.

This morning I woke up to a cheerful "Good morning sweetheart"  so my Friday definitely started out on a good note. We'll see how the rest of the day turns out, but for now it's: